Need Good Thoughts Again.

Yesterday my Dad woke up and couldn't see anything out of his left eye. I diagnosed him as possibly having a detached retina (I am not a doctor I just play one with my family and friends). Well Dad doesn't have a detached retina... he had a mini stroke. This morning he is going to be having a MRI with contrast to see if he has been having other mini stokes. My guess (as a wanna be doctor) is that he has been. This past year my dad has been acting WEIRD. He bought a car without researching it like he usually would, his balance has been failing (I didn't know this till last night), and he has been forgetting things. He just hasn't been a sharp. I mentioned the possibility of dementia to him in the Fall and he got so mad at me. I dropped it and now I wish I hadn't.

One last little note.. Dad was a major helper at my Karma sale. Maybe the Karma you get isn't the Karma you WANT instead it is the Karma you NEED.

Blessed be,
Daria

PS Please send good thoughts to my "little" brother Jaron, also known as Tall One by Lesley, who had an audition at Loyola in New Orleans last weekend. He wants to skip his senior year of high school and head down to NO to learn to be a Jazz percussionist.

Kicked off the 4th Floor....Who would have thought?

Norms are the unwritten, unspoken rules that govern a group. When you are a new member of the group it is VERY important to pick up on these rules as quick as possible so that you can fit in. Some places have learned that the quickest way to make outsiders into members of a group is to have these norms converted into written, easy to understand rules. I first learned about norms at the DLE (Director of Lifespan Education) Kickoff Weekend for our church, Accotink Unitarian Universalist Church, last fall. But since then I have looked for them everywhere.

The most recent run-in with norms was the 4th floor (psych ward) of Fairfax INOVA Hospital. Every morning starts with a community meeting. The therapist running the meeting rattles off the rules of the ward. All of this stuff is old hat to them but brand new for the people who are there for the first time. This is just WONDERFUL (sarcasm) for those those of us who are visual learners. For me, the rules went in one ear and out another. I was finally able to get a written version on my LAST day in the ward. That was on day 10 of my stay. By then I had figured out the rules and discovered who "ran" the floor (this wasn't the doctors, nurses or technicians by the way).

There was another rumor of a rule that I heard a lot while in-patient. It was that patients who are released can not come back to visit for a certain period of time. The rumors ranged from 30 to 60 days before you could come back. Well tonight I decided to see if that rule was correct. I have several friends who are in-patient now and I wanted to visit them. A few of my friends have become patients AFTER being in the partial hospitalization program (PHP) that I attend. There are other friends who are still patients from the time when I was a patient. And finally one of my previous roommates from the 4th floor has returned to in-patient status. I showed up during visiting hours (6pm-8pm) and said I was there to visit my former roommate. She is a very nice, older black woman who does'nt get many visitors because she isn't from this area. When I talked to her on the phone earlier in the evening I asked her if she would like me to visit and she said yes. I asked her to put on her red outfit (my personal favorite) and said I would be there soon. I grabbed half my sugar free candy stash for all the patients who's mouths are always dry because of the meds and headed off to see the gang.

I arrived at 6:30 and signed in at the nurse's station facing the elevator. You could tell the person at the desk knew me from somewhere but she just wasn't sure from where. In order to figure out the room my former roommate was now residing in I check THE BOARD. All knowledge is derived from THE BOARD - Patient names, assigned nurses and doctors, and the group all patients belong to. I discovered that my former roommate was in the last room on the hall I used to be on. I went down to find her and had a brief moment of panic as I discovered the rooms didn't have ROOM NUMBERS. See, the 4th floor psych ward is in the old part of Fairfax Hospital and it is sort of falling apart. Don't get me wrong I love the Engineering team. They are a hard working group who didn't laugh at me when I told them that I really wish my room had a room number (I couldn't find my room and being lost is one of my biggest fears). I knocked on the door and when I got no response from the room my roommate was supposed to be in I headed back to the nurses station where the nurse informed me that she was in creative arts (Why she didn't mention that earlier I do not know). I wandered down to the most amazing art studio hidden in Northern Virginia. My former roommate was busy finishing her painting so I agreed to meet with her later. I went to the dining area and plopped down with 3 other friends and one Dad (who had just driven down from OHIO - DADS ROCK). I passed the sugar free candy to the man who got me through my stay on the 4th floor. Basically I felt that the candy should stay with him since if the staff got it, it would become the STAFF'S candy when it was brought for the patients.

20 minutes into my stay a nurse came in to tell me I had to leave because (is everyone ready for the RULE) patients can not return until 6 MONTHS after they leave. 6 Months??? Are you kidding me? She told me I could talk to the charge nurse but that would have been confrontational and I can't do that. Oh and by the way the reason she remembered me was because I taught her how to make my origami unit ornament. So for all of you who think my "I'm a great teacher" comments are over the top.... remember it got me thrown off the 4th floor.

Take Care,
Daria

Karma Sale: Good Karma?

What if the Good Karma I received from my Karma Sale was a diagnosis of bipolar and a crisis of (discovery of?) faith?
Many people have heard me say that I think the Good Karma I got from my Karma Sale is the fact that I had a psychotic break which lead to my diagnosis of bipolar that finally made me decide that there is a God (or for my friend Max g-d). I can imagine that in their head that doesn't sound like Good Karma. But let's think about that... My mom committed suicide when I was 18. I used to say that it was because she had cancer but now I know that wasn't the WHOLE story. My mom was probably a depressed manic depressive person who didn't have any treatment. Finally when I went off to college, she probably didn't feel as needed as she once did. She was fighting her second round of cancer and life wasn't worth living any more. This will NEVER happen to me. I will be in treatment of some sort for the rest of my life. Even if it is just surrounding myself with a great community of people who love me and can tell me when I need to get some help.
The second part of this is my discovery of God, g-d, Higher Power, or whatever I am finally going to call it. It is too late for me to get into this tonight so I will post about it tomorrow. Some people are going to get it and some others are not (Like my gyn who is scared of religious talk). This is my realization and I am not proselytizing. Some might call it testifying but I am not out to convert you at all. I just want to share what happened.
Tomorrow.
Lots of love,
Daria

Loving Target - THE BEST $ Section out there!!

For everyone who hasn't seen Target's new Dollar section I think this post is for you. Or if you have seen it, but just thought it was like all other dollar sections, then this post is for you. OR if you love Target's Dollar section and just haven't been there in 2007 then this post if for you. So have I covered EVERYONE out there? I sure hope so.On Jan 1st 2007 I spent $150 at Target. I was manic and haven't spent like that before but I felt REALLY good about everything I bought because I only ought an item if I knew where I was going to put it and ho,w I was going to use it. My largest purchase was a pair of doggie steps for my ancient cat, Winky at the outrageous price of $20 (sarcastic). Most of the items were from the Dollar section. I have been back to Target for a second round of spending AFTER hospitalization and still managed to spend about $100 so this must be true love not just manic spending. I'd like to share some of the items I bought and why they are so great. Bath and body products, nail polish, manicure sets. My daughter, Lesley, loves cream so trying some strawberry and cream scented lotion for $1 sounds like a good deal to me. She loves having her feet massaged and her toenails painted. 3 little bottle of polish for $1 - what a bargain. I also got a mini manicure set to carry in my purse.
Socks... Check out these CUTE valentine socks. They are adult size not kiddie sized. They had toddler socks too but nothing in Lesley's size. These socks were a "hug from home" while I was in the hospital. I really wish that they were in Lesley's size. As an aside can anyone PLEASE explain sock sizes to me?
Looking for even more Valentine stuff? Well once again Target has you covered. Look at all these GREAT craft items. The 3 mini paper punches are really well made. There are foam stickers, puffy stickers, glitter glue, stamps, stamp pads and even complete card kits. You can get so much for practically nothing so you might as well go ahead and be creative... you've got nothing to lose.
Girlfriend items ... Oh there is nothing like best girlfriends. I got a pair of these frame decorating kits for my daughter and her best friend Matilda. Hopefully the two girls can get together soon and make their frames. There are also girlfriend focuses photo boxes, magnetic word and frame sets.
Another great item, which Lesley will LOVE, is temporary tattoos. One of them says "I (Heart) ME" YAY!!! I love it.
Okay okay so Target has wonderful stuff for girls in their Dollar section but what about the BOYS??? Well I turned the corner and there was a whole end cap of Curious George products. Notebooks, post-it pads, stickers, magnetic bookmarks, etc. The 60 page notebooks are wonderful journals (I just wished the pages were slightly less busy). I am sure that there were other things for little boys but I don't have any yet so I am slightly "little girl" focused.
How about some of you with little boys check out he $1 section and let me know what you thought about it.
Lots of love,
Daria

Bipolar: Taking Care of Myself

I had such great plans for this blog. My first post of the new year was going to be about my First Quarter Goals. I stink at resolutions so after reading the Webmail.us CEO Pat Mathews' Blog I decided to make some goals. I am very proud of them so in the next few weeks I will share them with you, but today is all about ME.
As many of you know I was released from Fairfax Psych ward yesterday at about noon. Let me tell you what I have done since returning home yesterday... remember I said it was all about ME.
When I got home yesterday, Todd, my husband, had work to do so my sister, Liz, and I went shopping for my meds. We went to Target and I dropped about $120. Yeah I know... gasp. Who lets a bipolar person shop (It is even on my short term disability form that the doctor completed that my husband needs to Okay all purchases. Those who know me personally are laughing their butts off. I mean REALLY now.. we don't have join account except a saving account. Do you really think I would let him sign off on my purchases. Anyway, you all should go visit Target's $1 section. It is amazing. AND target only had 1 prescription... so we had to go to another pharmacy. But on the way there we stopped at Kohl's. I am not a big shopper. I have had such low self esteem for so ling that I am practically the FRUMP QUEEN. Well not any more.. Liz set me up right!! About 10 mix and match outfits that are HOT, HOT, HOT. Low cut, tight in the right places and really flattering. Everything from cords and jeans, to dresses and skirts. Work won't know what to do with me when I come back.
The bottom line for that was about $275 (down from a high of $360 thanks to my Kohl's discount). The next step was Walmart's pharmacy... still didn't have my med. Then home to pick up Todd to head to daycare so I could see Lesley Lou. All three of us went to dinner at Lesley's favorite restaurant, Hola Chip (Tolteca).; On the way home we stopped at a CVS pharmacy... YEAH you guessed it, no meds. We did find out the 24 Hour CVS had it and we could pick it up. We went home and got ready to go see Stomp. This is where "All about me" becomes a little sad. I couldn't see the footwork. It wasn't the seats, it was the meds. I was exhausted, felt ill, and didn't like it that I didn't "get" most of the show. Halfway though the show we decided we would go next door and get some dessert at after the show but that didn't happen. I was very sad.
Today was still all about me again. Before going out I got dressed up and even put on makeup. It was sooo quick. I think I can do this. After breakfast at the bagel place we went to Lifetime Fitness . What a deal.... $119 a month for all of us. We signed right up. Then we did more shopping at Target. Over $100 this time so we can redesign Lesley's bathroom as a Dora the Explorer bathroom. It took up about 30 minutes and looks awesome!! Okay that wasn't for ME but I enjoyed it. I'd really like to redo her bedroom for her 5th birthday in February. It would be more versatile but I am having some resistance.
Then a quick nap and then I started this post.
Now I am having some horrible ALL ABOUT ME time. My meds are making me want to vomit. It it like really bad morning sickness. I think I am dehydrated. I am treating it like morning sickness too. Eating pretzels and drinking lemonade. Now I know why people want to get off their meds.

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who sent me kind thoughts and prayers. I truly appreciate it. I don't want this blog to be "living with bipolar" so those of you who are interested in raising kids, work-life balance and having a successful career hang in there. Let me know what you want me to write about.
Take Care,
Dari a Akers

Fingers Crossed!

Today should be the day that I finally come home to my family! The doctors say I can be released today pending a couple of blood tests taken early this morning. I should know very soon. If I get out, we're going to celebrate with a big family dinner and then my husband and I are going to the Warner Theatre to see Stomp! Cross your fingers!
Entered by a friend over the phone.

Getting Better, Coming Home Soon! (Hopefully)

Who would believe that you could be thankful for a diagnosis of bipolar? I'm feeling better than
I have in my whole life now that I am getting the help that I need. I hope to be home by this Friday so that I can go out with my husband to see Stomp at the Warner Theatre (my best Xmas present this year). I also have it on very good authority that the Weingarten Chat "doesn't come back until I'm home, happy, and healthy." Talk about pressure! But, I think I can handle it now.

Lots of Love,
Daria
(entered by Todd)

Message from Daria

Daria called and is doing fine. She's getting the help she needs and appreciates everyone's concern. This has been entered by a friend over the phone.

Need good thoughts.

At 10:30 I am going going to Fairfax Hospital for a psych eval. I will ask for them to release my info. Please call if you want updates. Please wait till noon to call.

Why isn't there a show like this on TV?

I love TV... It is great to help me tune out. When work is bad or I don't have the strength to devote to making my marriage all that it should be, or when I am too lazy to deal with my child.. TV is just PERFECT (I am being sarcastic here by the way). It's the "easy" thing. It is so many things. A frontal lobotomy, a band-aid for a marriage ("we are so close we watch TV together"), a baby sitter. Yeah I know because I have been using the TV for ALL of these things because I thought it was the "easy" thing. I did it because I didn't know how to make things better. I didn't know how to make my marriage work, I didn't know how to be a good mom (I am getting passionate here). Now I know that it was the best that I could do at the time. I wasn't the parent or the partner I should have been because I didn't know what to do. Luckily I think I have found a key to doing both but tonight I just want to talk about being a better parent. So I'd like to welcome you to my own little TV Show... Momma Daria's Quick and Easy NO TV Time Projects (I think I need to work on the name.. it isn't QUITE There yet).

First a few thinks I think are true but I do not want to assume that you believe them too (I want them to be said). This is the foundation on which this commentary are based. If you DO NOT agree with the following statements then you should probably stop reading this until you do.

1. We all do truly love our children.
   
2. No one wants to hurt their kids... They just don't know what to do.
   
3. We are all looking for answer and are willing to listen.

So let me share an hour of our day today. This was a "NO TV" project suggested by my very smart and talented Mother in Law (I am not being sarcastic). This took NO time and we were all "in the moment" together. EVEN ME. I love taking photos while doing activities but for this one I made sure I didn't so I could be involved too. It was AWESOME. So in order to make it easy I am sharing all the tips and tricks we discovered and some hint to change the activity to suit your family. This project was created to minimize mess because mess stresses out some people in our family and they would always want to clean up in the middle of projects. If you thrive in creative clutter then you won't need to follow my plan (and my guess is you are doing this already.)

The Setup: So Quick and Easy

1. Put down a big sheet of paper (it should be scrap because you are going to throw it away).
2. Sprinkles - Now for Lesley, who gets easily overwhelmed and excited, we limited it to 3 colors but if that isn't an issue then go NUTS!!!
   
3. Muffin tins - 1 for each color.
   
4. Refrigerated cookie dough - We used the break apart sugar cookies from the refrigerated section.
5. "The Right Place" - This one you need to figure out. Maybe it is the floor, maybe it is a low picnic table, for us it was the counter which is Lesley's favorite place. The key to finding TRP is to make sure the kid's are comfortable NOT you. You will be having so much fun that you won't notice that your bottom has fallen asleep.

The Plan:

It was originally supposed to just be Mom and Lesley but she refused to let that happen. Todd was relaxing with some.... yeah you know it.... TV watching (because it is very hard to entertain a kid all day AND we are potty training Lesley now so our day had us wiped.. pun intended) and Lesley called Todd over to be with us. I was going to give you the step by step guide here but you don't need it. This is where you make the magic.... TURN OFF THE TV AND BE IN THE MOMENT WITH YOUR FAMILY (I am not yelling really... talking slowly and loud for emphasis).

Yes we did actually watch the cookies bake... It was an amazing 15 minutes. But you don't HAVE too.

Community Time:

Now it is your turn. Please leave a comment/suggestion for me and all the other people reading with your "quick and easy" NO TV Project. And if you don't have one that's ok. Pick a time when you want to bond with your family, try my project and let me know if it worked for you.

Preview of the Next Show (what is the official name for that section of a show):

My review of the Dollar section at Target.... And the best shopping trip ever with my friend Becks (of Harry, David, Becky, and Subir) and out strange Karma event. It prepare for this I think you all should go visit Target and check out the new Dollar Items. Becks, please leave a comment supporting me on how they really need to make sure they check it out.

Lots and lots and lots of love,

Momma Daria