Ok my little guys, Harry and David, are home resting. I am hoping that maybe Becks or Subir will update people (but they might not want to).
And I need to apologize... I went back and listened to Becks message later tonight (once my manic period ended... THANK WHOEVER!!!) and her message was rather calm and cool. Being in the moment and trying to listen deeply to my heart I think I might have been projecting my fear on her. See my daughter, Cassandra, died at Fairfax Inova Hospital. It is a long story that I will get into some other time but let me just say that I do not think that hospitals handle cases where they might be sued very well. The fact that the surgeon (who shall remain nameless) that operated on Cassie NEVER contacted us to even say she was sorry that Cassandra died has torn a HUGE hole in the heart of my father. ALL HE WANTS IS FOR THE PEOPLE INVOLVED TO TALK TO US!!! We don't want money, we want to be reassured that this isn't going to happen to another innocent little child.
Wow... that was quite the vomit wasn't it. I am so sorry but it had to be said.
It is now time for me to curl up on the couch with my husband Todd and celebrate the New Year's privately (Sorry you're not invited)
Lots of love,
Daria
Sunday, December 31, 2006
EMERGENCY: Please send good thoughts and prayers to Harry and David
One of my closest friends left me a voice mail this morning while I was at the BEST Accotink UU Church service in a long time (well for me). Becky of Harry, David, Becky and Subir were heading to Fairfax Hospital ER because both boys have been thorwing up.
As I said before What Goes Around Comes Around... So everyone please hold my dear dear friend in your hearts. As you can imagine they are very scared. I will update you when I know more.
Off To see Robbie Schaffer.
Lots of love,
Daria
As I said before What Goes Around Comes Around... So everyone please hold my dear dear friend in your hearts. As you can imagine they are very scared. I will update you when I know more.
Off To see Robbie Schaffer.
Lots of love,
Daria
What is the sound of 1 crazy lady talking to herself on the internet?
As crazy and extroverted as I act, I am really a very scared and unsure person.
I am pouring out my heart on the internet and while I will continue to do it even if no one ever comments about my postings (because as a wise man once pointed out to me - Thanks Atul - we always do what is best for US not anyone else) it would be nice to hear someone in the vast void that is the blogosphere.
So one of my dreams is community. I hope to make this a "sticky" site. A place with a whole lot of updated information that makes you come back again and again. I think that this country, heck most of the world, is missing that feeling of community now. I KNOW that there are others out there who want it but just haven't found their place. I want to offer that calm harbor in the storm of life.
One of my ideas is I am going to take a ton of topics that I want to write about and put them on slips of paper in a box. I will then pull out 2 slips of paper and post them for my online community. Then YOU decide what I will write about. And then people will be free to respond. We will try to play nice but I am sure as in every crowd someone will be offended, someone will make a jerk out of themselves, someone will cross the boundried and share too much (I don't believe that there is a way to share too much) or maybe, as in some other groups, I belong to someone won't know the boundries of what they CAN ask.
But right now I am asking for 1 small post. A comment from someone, anyone ... even without your real name.
If it happens GREAT... if not I am not stopping this blog. Because it really is ALL about me. (Joking)
Got to run.
Daria
No time to spell check or proof read. Sorry
I am pouring out my heart on the internet and while I will continue to do it even if no one ever comments about my postings (because as a wise man once pointed out to me - Thanks Atul - we always do what is best for US not anyone else) it would be nice to hear someone in the vast void that is the blogosphere.
So one of my dreams is community. I hope to make this a "sticky" site. A place with a whole lot of updated information that makes you come back again and again. I think that this country, heck most of the world, is missing that feeling of community now. I KNOW that there are others out there who want it but just haven't found their place. I want to offer that calm harbor in the storm of life.
One of my ideas is I am going to take a ton of topics that I want to write about and put them on slips of paper in a box. I will then pull out 2 slips of paper and post them for my online community. Then YOU decide what I will write about. And then people will be free to respond. We will try to play nice but I am sure as in every crowd someone will be offended, someone will make a jerk out of themselves, someone will cross the boundried and share too much (I don't believe that there is a way to share too much) or maybe, as in some other groups, I belong to someone won't know the boundries of what they CAN ask.
But right now I am asking for 1 small post. A comment from someone, anyone ... even without your real name.
If it happens GREAT... if not I am not stopping this blog. Because it really is ALL about me. (Joking)
Got to run.
Daria
No time to spell check or proof read. Sorry
Karma Sale... The next day
Once again there are so many places where I could begin... I think I am going to begin with this 1 profound statement.
Now some people want to be mothers their WHOLE life. I was not one of those people. I was a tomboy who never thought much about being a mom growing up. I was very lucky to be able to see some of the best parenting in the world and some of the worst. Even as early as college I had a good understanding of the general guiding principles that would form my ideas about beging a "good parent". So strong where those thoughts and feelings I KNEW about a month after meeting Todd that I wanted him to be the father of my children. You know what is crazier than that... I TOLD HIM THAT. Even more crazy than THAT.. he stuck around. What a guy!!! Now don't think that the road to this place has been easy. At times it has really really sucked. And at times I am even ashamed of how I acted. But now, at this moment, 7:04am on 12/31/06, our relationship is the best that is has ever been. And I can be incredibly truthful... it has only been like this for the last few week. We have struggled, a lot, but after Cassandra's death we remade our commitment to each other. I will NEVER leave him and I hope I will never hurt him again (Oh how I have hurt him in the past). I hope to make him a better husband, a better father, and a better person while he helps me become a better wife, mother and all around person.
Okay that is all I can write right now. We have a very busy day and Todd just got a call from work (he is supposed to be a part of the Board Service this morning) I am worried about how the plans we had might be changed but you know what? We will get though it. TOGETHER.
Lesley is awake.. got to run.
Lots of Love,
Daria
Yesterday was the third most important day of my life.
WOW.. even writing that is so powerful to me. Any guesses on what were the first 2 most important days of my life? I would think most of you reading this could answer this in 2 seconds flat.
Day 1: February 13, 2002 - The birth of Lesley Kennedy Akers
Day 2: August 17, 2003 - The birth of Cassandra Anne Akers
Now some people want to be mothers their WHOLE life. I was not one of those people. I was a tomboy who never thought much about being a mom growing up. I was very lucky to be able to see some of the best parenting in the world and some of the worst. Even as early as college I had a good understanding of the general guiding principles that would form my ideas about beging a "good parent". So strong where those thoughts and feelings I KNEW about a month after meeting Todd that I wanted him to be the father of my children. You know what is crazier than that... I TOLD HIM THAT. Even more crazy than THAT.. he stuck around. What a guy!!! Now don't think that the road to this place has been easy. At times it has really really sucked. And at times I am even ashamed of how I acted. But now, at this moment, 7:04am on 12/31/06, our relationship is the best that is has ever been. And I can be incredibly truthful... it has only been like this for the last few week. We have struggled, a lot, but after Cassandra's death we remade our commitment to each other. I will NEVER leave him and I hope I will never hurt him again (Oh how I have hurt him in the past). I hope to make him a better husband, a better father, and a better person while he helps me become a better wife, mother and all around person.
Okay that is all I can write right now. We have a very busy day and Todd just got a call from work (he is supposed to be a part of the Board Service this morning) I am worried about how the plans we had might be changed but you know what? We will get though it. TOGETHER.
Lesley is awake.. got to run.
Lots of Love,
Daria
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Post Karma Sale Part 1
I don't even know where to start... what a day!
First, let me say it is going to take days, maybe weeks... maybe even the REST OF MY LIFE to digest and absorb all that happened today. So this will be a very high level look at the sale because I am going to bed at midnight (I am setting boundaries).
So let's start with what I think is the very smallest part of today... How much did we raise for Northern VA Therapeutic Riding Program? Are you ready? Are you sitting down?
First, let me say it is going to take days, maybe weeks... maybe even the REST OF MY LIFE to digest and absorb all that happened today. So this will be a very high level look at the sale because I am going to bed at midnight (I am setting boundaries).
So let's start with what I think is the very smallest part of today... How much did we raise for Northern VA Therapeutic Riding Program? Are you ready? Are you sitting down?
$645.35
Well if that is the SMALLEST part of the day what was the biggest? I am going to have to think a little more before I answer that so bare with me.
I want to take a few moments to thank everyone who showed up. Thanks for letting me rant about my dreams, my hopes, my crazy ideas about Karma. Thanks for being in the moment and loving the process. I hope you left not just with the items you bough but with a sense of hope, pride, peace and some of the WONDERFUL Karma that we shared today. If you were at the sale today and want to "TESTIFY" about your experience I'd love for the WORLD (yes the whole wide WORLD) to read your take on today. So please leave a message in the Comments section.
And for those of you who couldn't make it but you sent your positive vibes, email, or thoughts about me today may you also be blessed with some of the Karma from today.
It is midnight now. I need to go. But this will continue....
Blessed Be,
Daria
The night before the Karma Sale
So in my first post I hinted that we have something big looming in the future. I really don't have time to go into it now (I should be in bed) but tomorrow may be a HUGE first step for us. We are holding a Karma Sale Sat 12/30 from 8am to noon.
What's a Karma sale?
Well I haven't been sleeping well lately and while tossing and turning on Wednesday morning I had the crazy idea to have Karma Sale. It is a yard sale with a twist. Take what you Need, Pay what you can and all $ goes to charity. We picked the Northern VA Therapeutic Riding Program to receive all of the money because a wonderful girl at our church (Accotink Unitarian Universalist Church) gets hippatherapy or highly specialized horseback riding from them.
So Wednesday morning I convince poor Todd that we should do this. We had need clearing things out slowly but surly using FreeCycle but I was having a hard time coordinating all the pick ups and keeping everything straight. It took a little bit of salesmanship to show him the Karma Sale in the right light. At first he didn't "get it" and I got snippy because he couldn't read my mind again. But finally he came around.
It is easier than a yard sale because you don't price anything.
Wait.. You don't price anything? Well how much does everything cost?
Our answer for that tomorrow will be... "You tell me. Look deep in your heart and let me know what it is worth to you. Remember this is a Karma Sale.. what goes around comes around. You just have to leave feeling GOOD about that you got and what you paid for it when you leave."
The next step is changing your perspective. It isn't about the money.
Wait... It isn't about the money?
No it isn't. We were giving things away free on FreeCycle. While we aren't rich we don't NEED the money and we truly believe in giving back. As I said before "What goes around comes around."
The next step was getting the word out about the sale. So I emailed almost everyone in my gmail address book the following email:
I am so sorry for this mass email but I need to get this info out as fast as possible.
Many of you may not know this (we have been keeping this a secret... I am so sorry) but my family is looking to relocate back to Blacksburg, VA. We are looking at 1 particular house in 1 particular neighborhood and it has been on the market since July. So we want to sell our house ASAP in order to buy the one we want. In order for this whole thing to work out it feels like the stars need to align perfectly. Basically we need some good Karma so we are having a Karma sale this Saturday morning at our house - 6227 Wilmington Dr. Burke, VA - from 8am to noon (no early birds please).
So what is a Karma sale you ask... Basically it is a yard sale with a twist. Take what you need and pay what you can... All money raised will go to a great cause (Northern Virginia Therapeutic Riding Program - http://www.nvtrp.org/). I am helping you by selling you great stuff and you are helping me by getting 8 years worth of clutter out of my house!!! Everything from kid's toys and videos, kitchen stuff, holiday decorations, and books (lots and lots of books) There are some big items too, like a comfortable love seat and ottoman, an entertainment unit, and exercise equipment.
We will also be collecting good thoughts and well wishes in a box for us to read on days when we feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Pen and paper will be provided.
So here's a quick recap:
Karma Sale
Take what you NEED and pay what you can - All $ will go to Northern Virginia Therapeutic Riding Program - http://www.nvtrp.org/
12/30/06 8am to noon
6227 Wilmington Dr. Burke, VA 22015
Please forward this email to people you think might be interested (without spamming your address book please).
And if you can't make it please send us good thoughts!
Thank you so very much,
Daria Akers
Out of the 100 or so people I sent it to only about 10 wrote back. Mostly to say they would be out of town or that they wanted to wish me luck. I also posted it on CraigsList and I have had 4 emails from that post.
Todd and I have worked our BUTTS off for this and I am worried that it will be for nothing. I mean who holds a yard sale on 12/30? I guess we do and tomorrow we will see what will happen. If it is meant to be then it will be.
Good night (I think I can sleep now)
Lots of love.
Daria
What's a Karma sale?
Well I haven't been sleeping well lately and while tossing and turning on Wednesday morning I had the crazy idea to have Karma Sale. It is a yard sale with a twist. Take what you Need, Pay what you can and all $ goes to charity. We picked the Northern VA Therapeutic Riding Program to receive all of the money because a wonderful girl at our church (Accotink Unitarian Universalist Church) gets hippatherapy or highly specialized horseback riding from them.
So Wednesday morning I convince poor Todd that we should do this. We had need clearing things out slowly but surly using FreeCycle but I was having a hard time coordinating all the pick ups and keeping everything straight. It took a little bit of salesmanship to show him the Karma Sale in the right light. At first he didn't "get it" and I got snippy because he couldn't read my mind again. But finally he came around.
It is easier than a yard sale because you don't price anything.
Wait.. You don't price anything? Well how much does everything cost?
Our answer for that tomorrow will be... "You tell me. Look deep in your heart and let me know what it is worth to you. Remember this is a Karma Sale.. what goes around comes around. You just have to leave feeling GOOD about that you got and what you paid for it when you leave."
The next step is changing your perspective. It isn't about the money.
Wait... It isn't about the money?
No it isn't. We were giving things away free on FreeCycle. While we aren't rich we don't NEED the money and we truly believe in giving back. As I said before "What goes around comes around."
The next step was getting the word out about the sale. So I emailed almost everyone in my gmail address book the following email:
I am so sorry for this mass email but I need to get this info out as fast as possible.
Many of you may not know this (we have been keeping this a secret... I am so sorry) but my family is looking to relocate back to Blacksburg, VA. We are looking at 1 particular house in 1 particular neighborhood and it has been on the market since July. So we want to sell our house ASAP in order to buy the one we want. In order for this whole thing to work out it feels like the stars need to align perfectly. Basically we need some good Karma so we are having a Karma sale this Saturday morning at our house - 6227 Wilmington Dr. Burke, VA - from 8am to noon (no early birds please).
So what is a Karma sale you ask... Basically it is a yard sale with a twist. Take what you need and pay what you can... All money raised will go to a great cause (Northern Virginia Therapeutic Riding Program - http://www.nvtrp.org/). I am helping you by selling you great stuff and you are helping me by getting 8 years worth of clutter out of my house!!! Everything from kid's toys and videos, kitchen stuff, holiday decorations, and books (lots and lots of books) There are some big items too, like a comfortable love seat and ottoman, an entertainment unit, and exercise equipment.
We will also be collecting good thoughts and well wishes in a box for us to read on days when we feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Pen and paper will be provided.
So here's a quick recap:
Karma Sale
Take what you NEED and pay what you can - All $ will go to Northern Virginia Therapeutic Riding Program - http://www.nvtrp.org/
12/30/06 8am to noon
6227 Wilmington Dr. Burke, VA 22015
Please forward this email to people you think might be interested (without spamming your address book please).
And if you can't make it please send us good thoughts!
Thank you so very much,
Daria Akers
Out of the 100 or so people I sent it to only about 10 wrote back. Mostly to say they would be out of town or that they wanted to wish me luck. I also posted it on CraigsList and I have had 4 emails from that post.
Todd and I have worked our BUTTS off for this and I am worried that it will be for nothing. I mean who holds a yard sale on 12/30? I guess we do and tomorrow we will see what will happen. If it is meant to be then it will be.
Good night (I think I can sleep now)
Lots of love.
Daria
Friday, December 29, 2006
With this it all begins....
Well I have finally decided to start a blog of my own. My husband, Todd, started a very personal and touching blog about his travels with grief after our dear sweet daughter, Cassandra Anne, passed away in April of 2005. It worked remarkably well for us. We couldn't talk about our grief so Todd would blog about it and I would read it and then leave comments for him. We sent the link to our family and friends who didn't know how to ask us if we were "OK" or were so deep in their own pain that they couldn't even talk about Cassie. We also made the blog public hoping it would help others who might stumble upon it. It was wonderful to know that our family, friends, total strangers were keeping up with us though the blog and leaving us messages both publicly and privately supporting us thought the whole process. But the blog was Todd's baby and I didn't want to "compete" by having my own blog. It think that Todd has sort of ended the other blog and it is now okay for me to start a blog of my own. So now, as we head into an unbelievably scary and uncertain new stage of our lives together I think it would be a good thing to begin blogging. To keep a record not only for myself, but also for the love of our lives, our almost 5 year old daughter Lesley Kennedy.
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