Super Simple Summertime FUN!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July. We sure did.

I wanted to share another NO TV Activity that we rediscovered lately. SPRAY BOTTLE WATER FIGHTS. All you need is 1 hot day, 2 or more people, water only spray bottles (please do not reuse spray bottles that had chemicals in them), and water. We all had a blast.

Sometimes grief hits you like a ton of bricks

My daughter, Cassandra Anne, has been dead for over 2 years but the pain associated with her loss still creeps up on me and hits me like a ton of bricks. Last night Todd was cleaning up Lesley closet and he came in with a onesie he found that has a hold cut in it for Cassie's g-tube. He lifted it to his nose and inhaled deeply but there was not any of her essence left. It made my heart skip a beat and my eyes filled with tears thinking of her.
We have one of my favorite photos of Cassie in our bedroom and most nights I can look at it and it doesn't pain me but for the last week it has almost brought me to tears each time I see it. It just feels so unreal that we had a daughter who died. It makes me want to scream "Why us? Why her?". But we will never have those answers. We just keep moving on.

With Great Sadness

It is with great sadness we announce that our wonderful cat of 16 years, Winky Patchwork (at one point in her youth - HELLCAT) Farassat Akers, was put to sleep last night. For any of you who had seen her recently she had shrunk to a shadow of her former self. We were worried that she might have something wrong with her teeth. Last night Todd touched her neck and found a very large mass. The vet didn't have anything good to say and so the decision was made to put her down.
Winky has been a wonderful companion who saw me through some of the toughest times in my life. She protected me and kept a close eye on me. She put up with Lesley pushing her and laying on her and always know when we needed some kitty love.
Winky I love you... You were my first cat and I will always hold a very special place in my heart for you.
Rest in Peace.

Lesley Lou Loses Her First Tooth!!!!

Lesley lost her first tooth today at school. She is just over 5 years old and right on target for this milestone of childhood. Her permanent tooth has been growing in behind her baby teeth for about 2 weeks now and we were worried that the dentist was going to tell us that her baby too needed to be pulled. But 3 days ago her tooth began to wiggle until it finally popped loose today. It came home from school in a little tooth keeper box and tonight she put it under her pillow for the tooth fairy to take.


It was a gorgeous day today and at the suggestion of Nana (who we called with the great news) we set up the Dora sprinkler and got a little wet. We held hands and giggled as we ran through the cool water. It was absolutely wonderful.

Addictions

As far as addictions go mine isn't too bad. I am addicted to Honey and Oat granola bars. My company has them in the kitchen and I am currently eating about 5 packages a day. At 180 each that's almost 1000 calories I don't need tacked onto my waistline. I start off my morning with 2 packages for breakfast and then after my 300 calorie Lean Cuisine I polish off another 3 packages in about 10 minutes. I am literally shaking so badly by the third one I am like an addict jones-ing for a fix. The truth is by the second one I'm not hungry I just crave the sweetness in my mouth. I think all of the satisfaction in my life is coming from food now and between oat and honey granola bars and Dairy Queen blizzards I'm going to be 200 pounds by the end of the summer.
I sure wish we could buy will power because I don't have much. I guess this is why I don't drink... if I ever started I wouldn't stop.

A Weekend Visitor

I was lucky enough this weekend to have a drive by visitor. My very best friend from High School, Dale, was in the area and we managed to get together for dinner. Dale has known me since 7th grade but we didn't hit it off until High School. He probably remembers more about my life back then than I do (have I mentioned that my mind is like Swiss cheese... I can't remember most of my life). Anyway it was great to see him and to realize that we all are struggling to figure out the right path to take in this crazy world. It isn't just an issue that I face.
Lots of love,
Daria

Over a month sincce I posted...

Well it's been over a month and a half since I posted on my blog. I think that makes me a failed blogger. I had such great plans for the blog when I was manic but now that I have returned to sanity I just don't have the energy or faith in my abilities to actually write something worthwhile.
People have been asking me how I have been doing and I say OK. The truth is I am kinda sad. I miss the person I was when I was manic. Not the person who scared her daughter and husband but the person who felt like she could conquer anything, the person who thought she could change the world (or at least her corner of it). I was so proud of the Karma sale. I was so excited to be moving back to Blacksburg. But now I am just, well, here. I have put on about 20 pounds since January. Eat like there is no tomorrow. I don't exercise. I also wish I had a more fulfilling job. A calling. Something that helps the world. But I am 33 and make WAYYYYY too much money to start over in a new career.
Oh well... there is always the next time around.