My First Week

Several friends have contacted me about my first week at work so I thought I would just leave a note here. Monday I went to see my triage psychiatrist though PHP (partial hospital program) dressed to the nines and ready to return to work. I told the doctor I was really ready to return to work and just needed a note that said so. With some reluctance she wrote me a note that I could work up to 32 hours a week until further notice. Little did I know that 32 hours was so long. I only managed 24 and by the weekend I just wanted to roll up into a ball and do nothing. The enormity of what I am dealing with is just beginning to hit me. My mind is functioning like it is filled with sludge. I wake at about 10am (I get up at 7am but don't truly begin to function till much later). I have a very hard time following things, like requirements documents (scary since it is part of my JOB!!). I am very very depressed. My father talks to me like I am scaring him, like he is sad for me and doesn't have a clue what to say to me (but he likes to drop things like my grandmother warned him not to marry my mom). He begs me to talk to his wife, THE DOCTOR, or the other person in our family who is bipolar but I DON'T WANT TO. I want to sleep. I want this to be over. I want to be NORMAL. I want my intelligence back, my daughter to want to be with me, I don't want 3 different therapists appointments a week (couples therapy, EMDR for Lesley, and my therapist appt). THIS SUCKS!! Well it's about 9pm so it's time for me to head to bed. Better (WHATEVER) living thought chemistry.